‘Good Lovers Lie’ By Clancy Martin in NYT

VALENTINE’S DAY is not a celebration of truth telling. God forbid! Relationships last only if we don’t always say exactly what we’re thinking. We have to disguise our feelings, to feint, to smile sometimes when we want to shout. In short, we have to lie.

We all tell lies, and tell them shockingly often: Research shows that on average in an ordinary conversation, people lie two to three times every 10 minutes. (It makes you want to be completely silent for a day or two just to throw off the statistics — but what about lies by omission?) And we lie particularly often when it comes to love, because we care more about love than we care about most things, and because love causes us more fear than most things do, and caring and fearing are two of the most common reasons for lying.

The people who find themselves most betrayed by the lies of lovers are those who have the most unrealistic expectations about truthfulness. And the people who are most inclined to believe the lies they shouldn’t are the ones who tell themselves the biggest lie of them all: “I never tell lies.”

If you want to have love in your life, you’d better be prepared to tell some lies and to believe some lies. If honesty is what matters most to you, you might as well embrace a life of silence and become a Trappist monk. These are, of course, options: Immanuel Kant, who argued that it was always wrong to lie, was a lifelong bachelor. And the notorious misanthrope Arthur Schopenhauer, also a champion of truthfulness and opponent of romantic love — he argued that to marry meant to do everything possible to disgust each other — saved his greatest devotion for his uninterrupted string of poodles.

But most of us do want to love and to be loved. So what are these lies we should tell and believe?

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/08/opinion/sunday/good-lovers-lie.html?ref=opinion

 

Posted by F. Sheikh

Andrew Small on the China-Pakistan Relationship

Andrew Small, a policy researcher at the German Marshall Fund of the United States in Washington, explores China’s ties with Pakistan in a new book that delves into the relationship’s history, the Chinese origins of Pakistan’s nuclear weapons, extremism in the two countries and how the future might develop as the United States recedes from Pakistan and Afghanistan.

In his book, “The China-Pakistan Axis: Asia’s New Geopolitics,” Mr. Small argues that although China has long been close to Pakistan — thanks in part to shared mistrust of India — there have always been irritants below the surface. The presence in remote areas of Pakistan of the East Turkestan Islamic Movement, founded by separatists from the Uighur ethnic minority native to the western Chinese region of Xinjiang, is especially troubling to Beijing. China is suspicious, he says, that elements in the Pakistani Army harbor sympathies for the Uighurs.

The book is especially timely as President Xi Jinping is expected to visit Pakistan soon, perhaps for Pakistan Day celebrations at the end of March. Chinese presidents do not visit Pakistan often, only about once a decade. If, as expected, Mr. Xi goes to Pakistan and bypasses India, the trip could open a new chapter in the relationship. Following are excerpts from an interview with Mr. Small:

Q.

What prompted you to write about Pakistan and China, an important relationship but rarely written about in full?

I was frustrated with the lack of authoritative material on a friendship that I believe is so important to the understanding of Chinese foreign policy, the future of Pakistan and Afghanistan, and the prospects for the U.S.-China relationship. The Pakistani Army’s assault on Islamabad’s Red Mosque in 2007, the incident that opens the book, pulled many of these strands together. While the United States had been pushing Pakistan for years to mount a crackdown on various extremist groups, it was pressure from Beijing that ultimately played the decisive role, following the kidnapping of Chinese “massage workers” by Red Mosque militants. For all the tensions between Washington and Beijing in East Asia, the region to China’s west is an area where the two sides have important interests in common and where Chinese assertiveness, especially in dealing with its Pakistani friends, is generally very welcome. But in practice it has been extremely difficult to draw China out on these issues, not least because of Beijing’s close, secretive and carefully protected relationship with Pakistan.
I wanted to figure out how the rising threat of Islamic militancy was reshaping China’s approach in this region, and to try to get to the facts behind the most mythologized stories — China’s nuclear relationship with the Pakistanis and the Saudis, China’s dealings with the Taliban, China’s plans for naval bases in the Indian Ocean, and so on — that affect calculations about so many different global security concerns, but where definitive answers have been so hard to come by.
Q.

China is quite worried about the terror threat from Pakistan, and particularly dislikes the fact that the East Turkestan Islamic Movement operates in Pakistan’s tribal areas. Why does China not exert more pressure on the Pakistanis about harboring the ETIM? Was the recent Pakistani offensive into North Waziristan inspired in part by the Chinese?

A.

The ETIM issue has been the biggest source of tension between China and Pakistan in recent years, and behind closed doors the pressure from Beijing at a number of different junctures has been pretty strong. Among the examples are the run-up to the 2008 Olympics, the run-up to the 60th anniversary of the People’s Republic of China and after various incidents in Xinjiang that appeared to have cross-border involvement.

Nevertheless, there are plenty of officials on the Chinese side who bought the argument from the Pakistanis that an operation in North Waziristan was difficult to mount and potentially ill-advised. There were also doubts about whether a rather small number of ETIM fighters could really do very much harm sitting out there in the tribal areas. As the terrorist violence in and beyond Xinjiang has worsened though, especially after the attacks in Beijing and Kunming over the last 18 months, patience has worn thin. While the direct involvement of ETIM in the attacks on the Chinese mainland remains in doubt, North Waziristan had become a propaganda hub. And, although there were many reasons for the launch of the offensive there, it was certainly encouraged by China. There are even recent stories that Beijing has suggested conducting joint military operations with the Pakistanis. China is suspicious that, in the lower ranks of the Pakistani Army, there are sympathies with the Uighurs, and has complained in recent years about warnings being given before operations are conducted, a phenomenon that is quite familiar to the U.S. side.

http://sinosphere.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/02/06/q-and-a-andrew-small-on-the-china-pakistan-relationship/?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&module=first-column-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news&_r=0

 

   

‘A Letter in My Purse’: From Slain Poet Shaimaa El-Sabbagh

Shaimaa El-Sabbagh was an Egyptian activist and poet. She supported the Military take over by General Sissi to overthrow the Muslim Brotherhood. Unfortunately Shaimaa El-Sabbagh, a mother of 5 year old son, was killed by the same Military regime when she went to lay flowers in Tahrir Squre. The raw images of her needless death shocked the whole nation. Below is one of her poem. ( F. Sheikh)

‘A Letter in My Purse’: From Slain Poet Shaimaa El-Sabbagh

Shaimaa El-Sabbagh, the activist who was shot dead at a rally in Tahrir Square yesterday, was also a poet:

A letter in my purse

By Shaimaa El-Sabbagh, trans. Maged Zaher
————————–
I am not sure
Truly, she was nothing more than just a purse
But when lost, there was a problem
How to face the world without her
Especially
Because the streets remember us together
The shops know her more than me
Because she is the one who pays
She knows the smell of my sweat and she loves it
She knows the different buses
And has her own relationship with their drivers
She memorizes the ticket price
And always has the exact change
Once I bought a perfume she didn’t like
She spilled all of it and refused to let me use it
By the way
She also loves my family
And she always carried a picture
Of each one she loves

What might she be feeling right now
Maybe scared?
Or disgusted from the sweat of someone she doesn’t know
Annoyed by the new streets?

If she stopped by one of the stores we visited together
Would she like the same items?
Anyway, she has the house keys
And I am waiting for her

Maged Zaher is a 2013 “Genius” award winner who both writes and translates poetry. His most recent collection is Thank You for the Window Officeand his most recent translation The Tahrir of Poems.